Nobody is Sane in Lagos
Not even you🤧😗.
Barka da zuwa. Nnọọ. E káàbọ̀ o🙇🏽♀️. Welcome back to the safest haven on Obasanjo’s internet✨❤. How do you dooooo?? What was your week like? Yes, I actually want to knowww🥺. Lemme know if I’m the only one seeing Lagos shege 😭😂😂. Send me a dm on Substack here or on insta.
Beat me, punish me, do me whatever you chooses, but I downloaded Chowdeck back😭. I cudun copeeee😪. Femi Aluko has to explain the juju he’s using on me o😣. He’s the one that’s been taking all my money siince. And he does it ever so well that I never notice on time😪. That’s how I want to be collecting consumers’ money when I grow up too o🤭😂. In case you’re confused about our Chowdeck convo, you can catch up from this letter😗.
I think cigarettes and cola drinks are becoming more common in Lagos o. Because why did I see a man smoking and drinking coke this early morning😭? On a Monday fa🤧. I spoke about this in one of my previous letters sef. It’s here.
While this 2024 came with its ghana-must-gos of ishus- the biggest being our stoopid economic crisis-, I must say that it did bring a little bit of light and love with it. Because what are all these marriage tings happening left, right, and center? Nitori olorun😫. Ah, we’re barely 6 months into the new year and I’m seeing weddings everywheree. Did single people do a meeting in December last year ni? They didn’t even invite me 😪. Kai! Today, it’s ‘Olaola Nuptials’, tomorrow it’s ‘Tie the knoTT.’
Boya I’ll just delete social media las las. And you people are just falling in love any how.
That’s how I saw one lady inside ‘korope’ who had a tattoo on her wrists. She unconsciously turned her hand, and I saw it was Rasheed she had tattooed on it. Hian! What is brother Rasheed’s name looking for on her hand ehn?😂 Maybe it’s her brother’s name sha. It is well o🤲🏽😂😂
I was even at a wedding on Saturday o. After how many yearssssss💃🏽💃🏽😂. It was really nice to see what love at weddings is like. It’s so funny and cute at the same time😂. The ambience was so burriful. I had a swell time catching up with friends and co. The groom and the bride? They ateeeee and left zero crumbssss!! Talk about 10/10!!!!!
Althoughhh, there were some silly, silly beggars and thugs at the wedding 🤦🏽♀️. When my folks and I got up to say hi to the bride’s mom, these boys had cleared our table of our food. Omo😭😂. We thought we were watching them, but mehn, na them dey watch us o😂😂.
At my own wedding sha, invite list go deyy. If you like, bring your Olori ebi. He won’t enter if his name no dey list. I’ll even do part-time job with the bouncers in case they need back up😗. And those thugs, sheeetttt!! Let me catch them in one corner first😑.
I had some biznis at Ikorodu sometime during the week and I went all the way to Ikorodu and back home myselfff🤭😂. My first time going to IKD alone and I was definitely scared as fok! I just dey guard all through ni, before boys run me street. On my way back sha, I mistakenly lost guard😞. I was walking to the bus stop after alighting from maruwa and that’s how one uncle was greeting me. I didn’t even respond the first few times cos I didn’t know he was talking to me before I realized it was me o. I now responded out of courtesy.
That’s how this bebeto of a man now introduced himself. I kuku said my name. He now started asking some silly questions. Some of which I lied in response to💔😗. Baba, shey you will go straight to the point? He sha asked for my number. I was indignant and said no. This brother persuaded me die, and even started giving me reasons he should have my number. This is not WAEC o, uncle😂😂. Eventuallyyyyy, I kind of gave him my number. But it was my work line sha, not my personal one, so I dinor fuck up fully😗. He hasn’t called me or texted yet, but I’m already practicing the voice I’ll use to say ‘wrong number’ before I block the werey💃🏽😂😂. Now that I think of it sef, I should have given him popsy’s number😪. Make im dey deal with popsy- man to man😂😂.
But seriously, how una dey take do am? Just walk up to someone and ask for number. The audacity mehn🙌🏽. Me, that to ask for directions on the road, I’ll be shaking like jelly fish😂😂
Volunteering with LFBI has to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in the past year. I don’t regret it one bit and I don’t think I ever will. Volunteering has really opened my eyes to the level of poverty we have in Lagos. With the food bank, I’ve seen the ins and outs of Lagos o. Just when I think a community is at the depth of trenches, LFBI manages to shock me with another worse one. In this same Lagos o.
On Sunday, some volunteers and I went for inspection rounds at a couple of communities. Omo, I was left in shik shak shok after these inspections o. The first place we went to was Lekki. Now, you’re probably wondering what an NGO is looking for in Lekki, cos it’s typically the wealthy that occupy such parts of Lagos abi? *Giggles in dey play*
Man, Lekki has trenchessss!!!!! I mean ghetto, ajegunle, shanty town trenches guy. E shock you too abi. There were literally shacks everywhere and quite a number of demolished/uncompleted buildings. The most annoying thing was now their silly mongrels all over the place😒. I was scared stiff each time I saw any of their dogss😭. No shades to anyone o, but my Lekki Instagram baddies, how far?🌚
After our Lekki experience, we went to Oworonshoki. Another crazy trench🤧. You see those people eh, a different level of wild o 😭😂. Both young and old, the craze no dey expire. Registering these women felt like chewing stones. Ah! They frustrated the life and part 2 of meee😭💔. Their organization was literally their biggest problem. We even had to start pushing through them at various point to ensure they’d stay on their queues. Everybody sha wants to rush. I even had to be dragged out of their midst sef, cos they started fighting😂. Old people o. Toor!
Ah! I’m slowly signing out already because slumber calls for me, but quick advice for you. Abeg no go cross express where you see pedestrian bridge. If K.A.I officers put you inside Black Mariah, don’t say I didn’t warn you o. Those people sef, dem be as dem get😒. They can’t send people back to climb the bridge abi.
Also, please I’m looking for my ID card😭. Pray that the police don’t stop and search for me and call me Yahoo girl edakun🤲🏽😭, cos laptop, phone, and charger, dey always dey my bag. Now wey my ID card don x, I no sabi how I go take defend myself 😂. And I don’t even know what they do in Yahoo o😭😂.
Sha be praying for me pliss🙏🏽
Signed…
Dami🌹
Lekki has trenches keh😭😂