Aunty can't you see that I'm fasting ni🙄

And you are eating buns beside me😒

I was walking across a pedestrian bridge this week - make K.A.I no jail me abeg🤲🏽 - and then, I had a random thought💀. What if the pedestrian bridge collapses onto the express🌚? Ha😭

Eyin fanss miii💃🏽💃🏽. How is youuu???? Me I’m not fine o. That’s how one egbon wanted to use his smelly armpit to choke me inside maruwa😭😭. Anyhow sha, we meeeuuuvvvee😗. Before I forget tho, if you haven’t read the last letter, you can get it here. And if you’re new here, welcome to the fammm❤️. You can check out my previous letters here.

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Not much happened this week, so Imma keep my ting brief😗.
In the past few months, I’ve been working and so, Lagos has been seeing my face more often. Fortunately, I look way bigger and more mature than I actually am. Edakun I no mature kan kan o😂😂. That’s how these lagos boys will now want to rizz me up. In BRT terminal fa😂. Gbogbo yin ni ee gbadun😒. One time sef, this broda was asking me whether I already have alfa 👀. Bro’s a Christian and e con dey tell me say he likes women that cover up. Why you no con revert sirrrr😂😂?

But to be honest sha, behind my packaging is just a broke teenage girl, who is still collecting money from her father. If my papa hear say una don dey toast me, I no go collect money again. Edakun o🤲🏽

Shey you heard that broster Bob collected best-dressed female at this Eniola Ajao’s movie premiere? All shades of fuck up🤦🏽‍♀️. Eventually sha, I heard that it was all clout-chasing. Messed up shii. The woman now had to be begging everybody on IG💀. It was funny sha💔😂 .

You see all these people who know I’m fasting and still want to use food to tempt me ehn. Neverrrrrr 💅🏽. Cos tell me why this woman beside me inside BRT bus was eating buns. In the morning, madam. Shey you won’t have high cholesterol like this ma? That one didn’t even consain me. Why is the aroma of your buns entering my nose ehn? Shey you can’t see I’m fasting ni😒.

You now know the worst part?😭 Whether it was fate o, I don’t grab, but when it was time to go home, guess who was beside me inside the BRT bus againn? This non-fasting, buns-eating woman. This is someone I had never crossed paths with, before this fortunate day o. Now, she wasn’t eating buns o, but her bag was smelling moi-moi😒. You this womannnn😭. After peppering me finish, she now commented on my broken screen guard. Madam, I dey use glasses no mean say I blind now, ehn. I no get money to buy another guard, but I no fit yarn am, make packaging no spoil😪. She was now even advising me on the type of screen guard to buy. Ahh. See finish aye 🙆🏽‍♀️. Na so I kuku shut up o. Next time, I for don look before I sit 💔.

This week, Lagosians decided to give me gbas gbos. I really don’t know my offence😪. Inside this godforsaken BRT bus on Monday eveninggg, I was sweating. Asides the heat, there was this man beside me who was using his plus size to oppress me😭. I been wan choke for the corner wey I dey💔. I sha tried to fight for my space back, without talking o, asper no gree for anybody na. Omo, na that day I realise say power pass power o😭. Na so I jus manage, take reach my bus stop 💔.

I dozed like 50 times while typing this letter. But man gats deliver💅🏽.

This new week, pleaseeeeee buy and use roll-on. If you can’t afford it, try dey baff well abeg. My roll-on will soon finish tho🤭😂.

As we enter Q2, I hope you achieve the goals you didn’t achieve in Q1. Tell me too, where this year is running to biko. No be just yesterday, efrybody dey blow banger, dey shout happy new year. Ah 🙆🏽‍♀️. Before you know it now, my wedding invite will just drop🤭😂. Habibi ti n bo💅🏽😂.

Anywaysssss, my delulu is never the solulu😭

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See you next week 🫡

Signed…
Dami🌹